Crushed

The first time I developed a crush on someone, I was in 8th grade. He was a random 12th grader. Everything about that crush was silly; from the way it started, to the way it ended. I still remember the day my immature crush was revealed to the entire world. He arrived at my class with a full-fledged entourage. All I wanted at that moment was to scream and rush out the class. But I didn’t. I stood there as if someone nailed me to the spot. He left and so did every ounce of hero-worship I had for him.

The second time, it was different. Being a year older, I had the chance to know the person a little before liking him. Though it wasn’t of much help. I started liking him post a school trip to Ooty. The place was beautiful. I would completely blame the gorgeous backdrop for romanticising everything he said to me. Something prompted me to confess my feelings for the first time in my life. I told him about my tiny crush on the day he graduated. My confession was a great boost to his ego. Good for him! Though I felt all the self-respect a 9th grader could have, leave after my little chat with him.

The first time a boy confessed that he liked me, I felt all gooey inside. He was cute, dreamy, studious and all things perfect. He even had dimples, and so every time he smiled, my heart danced. He liked me, and I liked him back. But then what was the issue? Me! I was the problem. My stubborn decision of not dating anyone at 15 was the issue. But I didn’t stop liking him and that made it even worse. He was hopeful. But I was a hopeless case. The next year, he took up science and I chose commerce. That was the end of a not so dreamy story.

Fast-forward to 2023, three years after my last crush episode. I am writing about all my past love escapades to find the courage to put down my feelings for that one person. The one I worked with for the past few weeks. The one who introduced me as a colleague and not as an intern. The one who always smiled when he had to correct me. The one who never lost his patience with me. The one I can never reach. The first guy I cried for. It feels like the end of an era.